Top Ten of 2009

I'm gonna just go ahead and say that the reason this is up so unbelievably past the point of being relevant is because it's a reflection of how I felt about the overall quality of 2009's batch of films. Yeah ok, that works for me. The bizarre thing is I had a whopping total of 30, that's right THIRTY, films that I rated to be 3.5 stars or better. For those keeping score at home, that's the highest number since 2002. So what this means is, the mid-2000s were a very cynical time for me and 2009 represented a sort of renewed optimism for not just film, but life overall. Um, no. Ok ok, so it means that 2009 was a phenomenal year for film and I couldn't post this sooner because it would be irresponsible of me to try and evaluate such greatness right away. Nope again. The correct answer is, who the fuck knows. I call 'em as I see 'em and at the end when looking back, I can tell you how I felt the overall quality was and I maintain that it was down dammit. In yet another exciting twist, for the previous year of our lord 2008, I had only 19 films rated 3.5 stars or higher, BUT of those films, we got 2, possibly 3 bona fide classic films in The Dark Knight and Synecdoche, NY (The Wrestler is the third "potential" classic) and maybe that's why I view 2008 in a more favorable light. Maybe I'm just a top-heavy kinda guy. Let's get this over with.

10) Star Trek - Leave it to J.J. Abrams to deliver a summer blockbuster in the way the good lord intended. I suppose it's semi-relevant that I've never seen a single episode of Star Trek or any of the movies because I like to get laid and can only take so much big ships fighting with lasers in space shit in the span of one lifetime. I'm not entirely sure how this reinvention came across to the die-hards, but for a noob like me, I was exceedingly pleased with how much fucking FUN this film was. Chris Pine made for a charismatic, captivating lead and I'll be damned if Star Trek wasn't the best time I had at the ol' picture show all year.

9) A Single Man - Now that we can call Colin Firth an "Oscar winner" for his work in the tremendously overrated A King's Speech, you might want to hold back on the venom until you've seen his work in A Single Man because then you can go, "Oh THAT'S why it's okay he won!". Not exactly feel-great-about-life material here, but a very well-choreographed and nuanced character study of a man struggling to cope after a painful loss. Very moving stuff.

8) 500 Days of Summer - Stylistic feature film debut for the man responsible for the fate of my beloved Spider-Man series, Marc Webb. At times, it can be a little too cutesy for its own good, but overall, it hits the nail on the head as a compelling study of a failed relationship. Plus, haven't we ALL known that girl.

7) District 9 - So of the 4 films I've listed so far, all but one are feature film debuts for their respective directors, the lone exception being J.J. Abrams and even then, Star Trek was his second film, so maybe 2009 was the year of the promising neophyte. Good job, 2009, you're not so worthless after all. Oh yeah, so District 9 took me by surprise. One of the things that jumped out at me was how the film used a pretty much thoroughly unlikeable protagonist and yet, still made us give a shit. See, world? You CAN have a film set in the future with weird aliens and spaceships and all that other shit you like and not have it be unbelievably stupid! Amazing.

6) Watchmen - I'll admit I was never worried that Zack Snyder could capture the aesthetic of Alan Moore's groundbreaking graphic novel, but pardon me if the director of 300 wasn't exactly a guy I felt confident in grasping the thematic depth of a dense piece of work like Watchmen. Thankfully, he succeeded marvelously and frankly, it was kind of fun watching people go into this film like it was yet another run-of-the-mill superhero film only to walk out going, "What the fuck was that? Gimme my money back." The de-mythologizing of the superhero has never been so fascinating.

5) Moon - Sam Rockwell remains one of his generation's most underrated actors for whatever reason. He's an absolute chameleon and Moon is no exception as he has to play multiple clones of himself. Questions of identity and morality abound in yet another feature debut on this list. Not that I'm putting this in the class of a film like 2001 at all, but echos of it were certainly there.

4) A Serious Man - I'm starting to think that the Coen brothers simply have a pipeline to my soul and I just need to learn to live with it. In a darkly comic study of one man's quest to find the meaning of life and the impact of religion on his own existence, the Coens give us one of their least accessible films (although I'm just happy to live in a world that a directing/writing/producing team as brilliant as the Coens actually somewhat get the recognition they deserve), but yet, one of their more profound, thought provoking ones. But ain't that how it always goes?

3) The Hurt Locker - Taut, intense and brutal. I'm not big on war films, not because they all by and large have the same goal (war is hell, duh), but because they all tend to go about them in similar ways (seriously, we don't need any more films about how the Vietnam war was fucked up). The Hurt Locker succeeds in that it takes overall familiar subject matter and finds a way to make it engaging and thought provoking in a way that doesn't just beat the audience to death with some form of battle sensory overload. Oh and Jeremy Renner, where the fuck have you been hiding?

2) Two Lovers - If Joaquin Phoenix had actually quit acting after this, he could have done a whole fuck of a lot worse. Not only is he great, but the entire cast is in James Gray's expedition into the fucked up male psyche. Devastating on multiple levels and brutally honest. A film that deals with human emotions in a way that it's impossible for you to watch and not see some of yourself in some way, shape or form through the characters. Why do we love who we love or want who we want? Two Lovers explores this in a manner armed with a thesis that suggests there is no formula or logic to it. Maybe this one should have been number one.

1) Up in the Air - When I first saw this, I assumed it was your standard "no man is an island" claptrap bullshit and therefore, I spent 30 of the last 45 minutes just kind of rolling my eyes waiting for the inevitable conclusion until it threw me a curveball and made me realize that this film had higher goals than I originally thought. That's what I get for thinking I'm so smart. While superbly written and acted, I thought we were on familiar ground, but the mere fact that this film had the courage to actually say that, yes things can change but you still have to deal with the life you've lived and lie in the bed you made (plus subsequent viewings), really threw me for a loop and surprised me, in a refreshing way. While Up in the Air would normally be a standard top ten film in any other year as opposed to number one doesn't diminish that it's still a terrific piece of work.

Runners-Up: Inglourious Basterds, Drag Me to Hell, Up, World's Greatest Dad, Red Cliff, The Road, The White Ribbon

Individual Awards:
Best Actor: Colin Firth - A Single Man: This was tough. Jeff Bridges was absolutely phenomenal in Crazy Heart and may have single-handedly elevated that film above mediocrity, but Firth WAS this film. He embodied everything and kept everything remarkably grounded and nuanced and heartbreaking.
Runners-Up: Jeff Bridges - Crazy Heart, George Clooney - Up in the Air, Jeremy Renner - The Hurt Locker, Matt Damon - The Informant!, Tom Hardy - Bronson

Best Actress: Tilda Swinton - Julia: If you want an example of an actor/actress baring it ALL (literally and figuratively), look no further. While I'm not the most easily swayed when it comes to histrionic, bombastic performances, Swinton takes it to another level and deserves recognition.
Runners-Up: Abbie Cornish - Bright Star, Carey Mulligan - An Education, Helen Mirren - The Last Station, Gabourey Sidibe - Precious, Sasha Grey - The Girlfriend Experience

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Waltz - Inglourious Basterds: Menacing, yet innocent. Give Tarantino credit, he knows how to wring tension out of any scene and he finds the right guys to do it. Waltz is phenomenal in every scene he's in and projects a grave threat that belies his diminutive stature.
Runners-Up: Peter Capaldi - In the Loop, Woody Harrelson - The Messenger, Tsutomu Yamazaki - Departures, Stanley Tucci - The Lovely Bones, Alfred Molina - An Education

Best Supporting Actress: Anna Kendrick - Up in the Air: Displaying a potent combination of precociousness and vulnerability, Kendrick appears at first sight like your typical ingenue, but the more you watch her, especially in this role, you get the sense that there's more sincerity and that she's here to stay.
Runners-Up: Patricia Clarkson - Whatever Works, Blanca Portillo - Broken Embraces, Samantha Morton - The Messenger, Imelda Staunton - Taking Woodstock

Other Miscellaneous Awards (Or Lack Thereof):
Worst Film of the Year: Going through the list of films I watched from 2009, I found very few candidates for such a prestigious honor and I'm beginning to now think that I really must have just shut it down in 2009. I clearly wasn't on point and bringing my A game, so I apologize retroactively for how I digested that year's crop of films. Unacceptable. BUTTTTT...the good news is I still was able to sift through all the stuff I found to be acceptable or even GOOD and stumbled upon this little gem. It made a lot of money and even got nominated *shudder* for awards. I'm speaking of course about the John Lee Hancock-directed masterpiece, The Blind Side. Let's just throw away the notion that I can't stand these heartfelt sports-based movies for the most part, let's just forget we know that fact. Then all you're left with is a movie that is cheesy and maudlin and thoroughly unbelievable and atrocious in every regard. I mean, Michael Oher, the guy who this movie is all about, doesn't even endorse the film. Of course, if someone made a film that made me appear completely inept in almost every conceivable fashion including being borderline retarded, I probably would disown it too. The fact that this gobbled up tons of cash at the box office and has been well represented during awards season is all the evidence you need to understand what state our nation is in.

Most Underrated/Underappreciated Film of the Year:
It's always nice to get pleasant surprises from the comedy genre seeing as how it's such barren wasteland full of disappointments and unfulfilled potential. I really enjoyed the dark, but hilarious humor courtesy of Observe and Report and World's Greatest Dad. Gentlemen Broncos got lambasted by critics, but I found that this film had echos of Napoleon Dynamite (which I happen to consider a good thing) and breezed by with frequent laughs. All three of these were pretty much overlooked and disregarded, but for me, they like movie rental ninjas...popping up out of nowhere to give me a lovely evening unexpectedly. I went on a big Steven Soderbergh kick that year and found The Girlfriend Experience to be compelling and moving in its own strange way. However, the number one most underrated/underappreciated film of the year I saw was John Woo's sprawling war epic, Red Cliff. Although the action/narrative momentum slows down in the second half (the only thing that kept me from giving this the year's only 4 star rating), Red Cliff is by and large a hugely entertaining piece of Chinese filmmaking. Epic, dramatic, compelling...I'm amazed this film did not catch on. I'll just assume it's because most Americans are cultural elitists who are subtitle-phobic. Yeah, that sounds about right.

The Proof That Seeing Something Twice Is Sometimes Necessary Award:
Inglourious Basterds. I'm not a Quentin Tarantino apologist or superfan, but I was pretty psyched for this one. The first time through, I thought it to be an ambitious, but unfortunately tedious slog of a movie. I thought it had individual moments/performances that were excellent (i.e. the opening scene and Christopher Waltz), but had wayyyyy too many dead spots and pointless character interactions (kinda like 75% of Death Proof). I decided to give it a second try because too many I respect found it to be one of the best of the year and I felt like it had the elements to succeed, it just never came together. The next time around, I found everything to be much more intense and some of what I had previously thought to be "pointless" now felt a lot more organic. I guess I was just in a stupid mood the first time.

The I'll Keep Seeing Your Stupid Movie Franchise Because I Can't Help Myself And I'm Not Proud Of It Award:
Fast and Furious.

Movie Quote Of The Year You Won't See Appearing On Good Morning America:
"I performed fellatio her." - Mike Tyson in James Toback's documentary Tyson

The Most Awesome Sam Raimi Scene That Only Sam Raimi Could Do Of The Year Award:
The gypsy fight in the car in Drag Me To Hell.

The I'm Not Embarrassed To Admit That I Got Legitimately Scared For A Good 20 Seconds Award:
Paranormal Activity.

The I Dare You Not To Get At Least A Little Choked Up Or You're A Soulless Heathen Scene Award:
The prologue to Pixar's Up. Good lord, I can't watch.



Most Disappointing Film(s) "Award":
Public Enemies and Extract. Neither were "awful" per se, but I expected much more than what I got considering the pedigree/subject matter involved.

The Embracing This Nerd Shit Has Gone Too Far Award:
Paper Heart.

The Most Fun At The Movies All Year (Star Trek notwithstanding, of course) Award:
Zombieland. (also winner of the Best Celebrity Cameo Award, but I can't have a single film win twice...that would violate the rules)

The "That's How You Do A Fuckin' Sports Movie" Award:
The Damned United.

The Most Cartoonishly Evil Character Ever Award:
Mo'Nique in Precious.

The I Just Love This Scene So I Want An Excuse To Post It Award:




The Most Disturbing/Disgusting Scene Of The Year Award:
The genital mutilation scene in Lars Von Trier's Antichrist. It's not even fucking close. Just be glad I didn't post THAT scene. It is the holidays after all, Merry Christmas!

Oscars 2011 Live Bloggin'

Gonna go ahead and get this live entry up and running. I can't believe this is my 7th year of doing this, so what does that mean? It means I'm an expert so don't question me or as Kenny Powers likes to say, "You're fuckin out! I'm fuckin in!" Also, keep in mind this is the Academy Awards. It's a bunch of rich, beautiful, obnoxiously self-important people suckin' each other off and giving out handies to whoever is within striking distance. Everyone knows this. So no need to bitch and moan about how it's all politicking and self-congratulatory bullshit and that it's not a true measure of cinematic artistry/quality, blah blah blah, no one cares. That is all a given, so save the contrived, recycled bullshit for someone who hasn't ever heard of movies or the Oscars. I do this b/c I love film and for better or worse, this is the night that celebrates American film, so since this is the 83rd edition and it's the most watched TV program in the entire world, something tells me it isn't going anywhere anytime soon, might as well soak it all in. With all that being said, let's get ready for a delightful evening of The King's Speech bashing.

7:02pm CST:

• I'm not sure how much "acting" Natalie Portman does as she constantly looks like she's about to burst into tears anyway.

• The James Franco/Anne Hathaway hosting combo is a curious choice. Franco is talented and can be very funny, I'm not really worried about him. Anna Hathaway is also talented and has a sweet sack of boobies on her, but I wonder about her comedic chops, guess we'll find out. Of course, anything is better than having to watch Wolverine prance around on stage all night randomly bursting into song or having Whoopi Goldberg host (no commentary needed on that). Then again, I'd be content having Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, or Jon Stewart host every year, how old white man of me.

• By the way, per my Oscar tradition, the Louis Gossett, Jr. watch is officially under way. I need my Gossett fix, do not let me down Oscar!

• As the countdown continues, I gotta say I'm genuinely worried about my Best Supporting Actor pick. I still think it's gonna be Bale, but I have this weird feeling that Rush is gonna sneak in and steal it. I'd be more worried if Rush had never won before, but he already nabbed Best Actor in '96, so he's not some old guy sentimental favorite that the Academy feels must pay him their due. He's a very good actor, but Bale deserves it here. Hell, he deserved it in 2001 for American Psycho, but wasn't even nominated. Yeah, fuck you Academy.

7:25pm CST:

• Hey there's Halle Berry. She's pretty hot when she's not sobbing like a brat and having a seizure onstage for winning an award she didn't deserve. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

• I'm a sucker for movie clip montages, I ain't gonna lie. By the way, just so everyone can stop all the arguing and fussing and fighting, The Social Network is the best film of the year. There, it's settled.

• That opening skit was weak. They did include a Back to the Future nod though and I'm not adverse to that. I'm not made of steel ya know.

• No way James Franco is not stoned as fuck right now.

• Holy lord, Jennifer Lawrence is hot when she's not hanging out in backwoods Arkansas fighting meth dealers and cutting hands off of dead corpses found in lakes.

• It's pretty sad that I can guess a movie based on the year alone. When they said "a classic from 1939", I immediately knew it was Gone with the Wind. Wait, that's not sad, that's just proof that I'm a movie machine.

• Haha, Tom Hanks just called Titanic a "best picture classic". Good one, Tom.

• Art Direction, nailed it. I'm 1 for 1 so far. Alice in Wonderland is a pile of dog poop, but it's hard to argue with its technical merits. That's about all Tim Burton is good for anyway.

• Ok now Cinematography. Damn, Roger Deakins gets screwed again. 1 for 2 now.
  

7:50pm CST:

• Somehow, some way, the Oscars seem even MORE epically self-important tonight. It's like their work facilitated the end of apartheid. I love movies too, but geez.

• At the rate Kirk Douglas is speaking, we'll be done sometime tomorrow afternoon. He's also speaking like the midget from Twin Peaks in Special Agent Cooper's dream. Twin Peaks reference tonight, check that right the fuck off the list!

• Hey, Best Supporting Actress is back to being one of the first awards handed out. Woohoo, know your place, ladies. I actually like all of these nominees, but Jacki Weaver is spellbinding. If you haven't seen Animal Kingdom (and you probably haven't), check it out for her performance if nothing else. Melissa Leo is frighteningly disgusting in The Fighter, good job. Oh shutup old man, get on with the award! Ok this is pretty funny, I'm not gonna lie. You won me over, Kirk, you still got it Spartacus. Alright back on track, 2 for 3 now as Leo takes it. I think Kirk Douglas just wants to hang out onstage all night.
  

• Actually, now that I think about it, it might be good for me in the long run that Inception won for cinematography because I'm banking on it taking a slew of tech awards and that could be a good indication of things to come.

• I don't find Justin Timberlake as irritating as I used to, but people who claim he's oh so hilarious are fucking retarded. Not funny at all.

• Ugh, time for the shorts. What to do with all this free time I now have?

8:09pm CST:

• Toy Story 3 winning Animated Feature was a lock, now 3 for 4. Well deserved, but I loved how the recipient thanked everyone for coming out to "support a movie with talking toys". Uhh...yeah, thanks for all the grass roots support for our little billion dollar cash printing machine known as the Toy Story franchise. Couldn't have done it without you!

• Ok raise your hand if every time you see a black and white photo of some 1920s Hollywood tuxedo ballroom party, you think of The Shining? Yeah, me too.

• Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem chose those tuxes because the ones from Dumb and Dumber were already out on loan.

• Aaron Sorkin takes it down for The Social Network, now 4 for 5. Obviously, well deserved, great script, great movie. Listen to that music swell and Sorkin doesn't back down, that's a fuckin man for ya.

• Both screenplay awards this early? Interesting. Aside from the Leo-Douglas fiasco, the awards do seem to be coming out relatively quickly, for the Academy anyway.

• The King's Speech takes Original Screenplay, now 5 for 6. As if we didn't know it already, but it's now confirmed, this show is all about The Social Network vs. The King's Speech. This dude and Kirk Douglas should have an old-off.

8:24pm CST:

• Does anyone else think Anne Hathaway needs to calm down? She needs to hit up Franco for that bud he surely has in his back pocket.

• I like Russell Brand and Helen Mirren is still the hottest 137 year old this planet has ever seen. Ok, Foreign Language film is always tough to call because it's a unique category in that anyone who votes must have seen all five nominees, plus most of the voters are older so they generally go with safer, feel good movies. And hey, look at that, I win again. Now, 6 for 7.

• Now for Best Supporting Actor. I was worried at the outset about this category, so let's do this like a band-aid and get it out of the way. By the way, I'm glad the Academy is back to showing actual clips of performances for the nominees instead of that one rogue year where instead of clips, they just had past winners verbally sucking off each nominee. Part of the fun of watching award contenders is trying to guess what their "Oscar clip" will be. Woohoo, my fears have been allayed as Bale most deservingly takes it. 7 for 8, now. Bale is the frontrunner for best speech so far.

• There can't possibly be a single person on this planet who cares about this Academy-ABC relationship bullshit, there's just no way.

• Trent Reznor takes Best Original Score, now 8 for 9. Well deserved, his score help set the tone and mood for The Social Network perfectly. I also enjoyed Hans Zimmer's bombastic, epic score for Inception. If you're keeping score at home Trent Reznor and Three Six Mafia now have Academy Awards and Alfred Hitchcock never won one.

• And the techie award love for Inception rolls on. It's the least they could do for not nominating Nolan for director. 9 for 10 now.

• I think they should make a rule where you're not allowed to thank anyone during acceptance speeches. You can thank them in person, no one else cares. But then I wonder what they'd talk about. Inevitably, you'd get someone up there who was just blindsided and had nothing profound to say, he'd just be like "So, how about them Lakers?".

• I like when films like Unstoppable or The Wolfman are nominated for some singularly random weird tech category b/c then they can claim their film was "Oscar-nominated". And hey, look at that, Inception again, this time for Sound Editing, 10 for 11 now. Who wants to pick up my bar tab when I go out tonight?

8:54pm CST:

• Of course, it's Rick Baker, he's the Michael Jordan of Best Makeup. 11 for 12 now.

• Alright and as I noted in last night's blog entry, the Costume Design category is very interesting this year. Let's see how I did: hell yeah, I'm on fire tonight. Colleen Atwood takes it for Alice in Wonderland, 12 for 13 now. The thing with Costume Design is that it rarely coincides with whoever is the frontrunner(s). The general rule of thumb I've found in recent years is that if it's an elaborate period piece, bet on that. Even if you've never heard of the film, always go with the one that's set in 18th century, preferably in some sort of royalty setting. Now, one might argue that The King's Speech fit this bill for this year, but TKS was much more subdued and didn't have the flashy, overblown costumes usually associated with films of its ilk. Then you look at what Alice in Wonderland brought to the table and that's why I went with it. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how winning is done.

• Aw shit, I thought we were gonna escape individual song performances this year. Oscar, you've done it again!

• Is it just me or does James Franco seem like he'd rather be cutting his arm off with a box cutter than hosting the Oscars? Also, Jake Gyllenhaal always looks so sad, it's gonna be ok, Jake. By the way, Natalie Portman wants to meet up with you afterward so you can listen to Snow Patrol albums together and have a sad-off.

• Checking out all the twitter posts, people are bored by the Oscars due in part to categories they don't care about and/or know nothing about. Uh, have you ever watched the Oscars?

• Alright Luke Matheny, now get back to band practice, At the Drive In is waiting on you.

• I wonder if the Auto-Tune The News Guys get any royalties from the Academy "borrowing" their idea. Antoine Dodson still owns you all.

• Great shot of the Coen brothers, they hate all of this and I love them for it. Best Documentary, this is a tough call. I picked Exit Through the Gift Shop, but have a feeling Inside Job is going to take it. Damn it all. It was a coin flip and I picked the wrong one. 12 for 14 now. I really should have picked Inside Job as a very relevant topic and the Academy likes to show nothing if they're not important and matter in a real world way.

9:26pm CST:

• And there's my man, Billy Crystal, love that guy. I wonder who has more makeup, him or Anne Hathaway?

• Ok that callback to the first Academy Award telecast was pointless and unentertaining.

• And Inception takes Visual Effects, back on track now, 13 for 15. That'd be weird/funny/sad/odd/whatever if Inception ends up winning the most awards for the evening despite getting no love in most major categories. Oh, sweet irony, Academy!

• And now The Social Network takes Editing, 14 for 16 now. While I didn't expect The King's Speech to win anything it hasn't already (as evidenced by my predictions), it's still a little curious that it's not exhibiting ANY of the momentum it was thought to have coming in. Now, that doesn't mean shit really, but usually when you have a favorite, you'll have some indications of coattailing, so maybe this means TKS isn't as beloved as originally thought or there were several films the Academy loved so the wealth is being spread (probably the more likely reason). If someone were to look at the tallies alone so far, you'd think The Social Network and Inception were the two films of the year. Which makes sense because they are.

• I was a tad worried that A.R. Rahman would go Jai-Ho on everyone for not winning Best Original Song, but he kept it together. Old man Newman takes it and I'm 15 for 17 now. And now we have the big four left to go, no doubt delayed by a bunch of needless bullshit until then, mind you.

9:53pm CST:

• Sally Menke died? That sucks. Patricia Neal was strangely hot in Hud. Arthur Penn, solid director. Dennis Hopper, may you find all the insane psychedelics your heart desires in the afterlife. Gotta love the "In Memoriam" segments.

• And like I said, a pretty much worthless segment with no awards handed out. I guess they realized they could stretch this out for another hour and a half. That being said, for all the unnecessary bullshit they like to trot out, I'm not opposed to montages, I dig those in a sick, sick way. So I'll set the over-under on awards handed out in this next segments at 1.5. What you got? I'll say under.

• Ok I'm nervous about Best Director. I picked Fincher and he fucking deserves it of course (hell he's deserved it a couple of times in the past for films he wasn't even nominated for). I might do a back flip if Fincher wins. Motherfucking fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkk. This is such garbage and virtually locks up The King's Speech as the Best Picture winner, if it wasn't assured before. What a crock of horseshit. This isn't even Tom Hooper's best film. His last film, The Damned United, was far superior to TKS. Fuck this. 15 for 18.

• At least I was write about something, only one award handed out that segment, yay.

10:11pm CST:

• One good thing about tonight is that we get Jeff Bridges presenting. I'm pretty sure I could watch that guy play chess and be entertained, fucking fantastic actor. Looking at the nominees for Best Actress, Annette Bening was very good and she usually is, but I think Julianne Moore gave the better performance in The Kids Are All Right. I haven't seen Rabbit Hole so I haven't seen Nicole Kidman's performance, but I do plan on having a doubleheader of misery between that and Blue Valentine sometime soon. Jennifer Lawrence is great in The Winter's Bone, which is a film I'm glad is getting the recognition it has from the Academy, even if it doesn't win anything. And of course, Natalie Portman was great and deserves the Oscar she's about to get. 16 for 19. I wonder if Portman will look 12 forever?

• Look, I get that an Oscar signifies the ultimate reward for the "work" you do, but why do people cry? Accept it with grace and poise. Of course, the biggest disgrace was Halle Berry when she won for Monster's Ball, you would have thought she just cured cancer and resurrected all of her loved ones who have passed away, fucking get a grip, you're an adult.

• Now for Best Actor. Love me some Javier Bardem, haven't seen Biutiful yet, but it's by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu so you know it'll be a nice big pile of misery that makes you want to shoot yourself in the face when it's over. Jeff Bridges was fucking hilarious in True Grit and is on a roll for the ages lately. He won't win, but the recognition he's finally getting is truly awesome. Now, Jesse Eisenberg, he deserves this award, but he won't get it and I'm angry, no more about that. Colin Firth, I hate talking bad about him because in this case, he's simply guilty by association. It is worth noting that he was mesmerizing in last year's A Single Man so if this award were being handed out in a vacuum and it wasn't associated with TKS, I wouldn't mind. Oh and James Franco was great in the very good, underrated 127 Hours. I love that he was nominated because he carried that film. And so as the sun sets in the west, Colin Firth wins. 17 for 20.

• British people winning awards suck because they stay away from charisma as if it were AIDS.
  

10:36pm CST:

• And the big "duh" moment of the evening has happened. Final tally of 18 for 21, yet it feels so empty *sob*

• To quote a very spot on "tweet" from one of my favorite TV writers, Alan Sepinwall: "Nice job, Spielberg, pointing out how often we remember the runners-up better than the winner. As we will this year." Amen, Alan.

Final Thoughts:

Very "meh" telecast. Nothing exciting or unexpected for the most part, the hosts were boring and unfunny and nary a montage to be found! I guess on the plus side, this may be the shortest Oscar telecast in recent memory "only" running just over 3 hours whereas they generally average something like 3 and a half hours at least. I also finished 18 for 21, which may be a personal best, but I'd have to double check, I wanna say it ties a personal best, but I'm not sure. To the archives!

2011 Oscar Predictions

Alright kids, it's Oscar Eve and normally, I do the predictions the day of, but I don't expect my mind to change much between now and tomorrow night, so let's just get it out of the way. Interesting year as some of the major categories are fore drawn conclusions while the others have potential upset written all over them. In the minor categories, I've found that a lot of categories have two legitimate candidates to win and it could go either way, so I have this feeling that I'm either going to annihilate everyone's faces tomorrow or be dreadfully wrong and I'll end up drowning my sorrows in a bottle of Bacardi Limon. Who am I kidding, I'll probably do the latter regardless. Ok so for the top 8 major categories (Picture, Director, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress, Original Screenplay, Adapted Screenplay), I'll offer a prediction of who I think will win and who I think should win (out of who was nominated, not overall). Let's get on with it:

Best Picture
Who Will Win: The King's Speech
Who Should Win: The Social Network

- This is all about timing. TSN is the most acclaimed film of the year and has cleaned up with the critics and plenty of pre-cursors, but by the time its momentum was slowing, TKS' was just picking up. It annoys me that TKS is going to win as its typical, generic, feel-good formula gunk you've seen a thousand times before (and done better too), but this is no time to get into that. I'm sure I might mention it a time or two tomorrow night.

Best Director
Who Will Win: David Fincher - The Social Network
Who Should Win: David Fincher - The Social Network

- I'm not 100% confident on this, but I have a feeling that David Fincher is playing the Ang Lee circa 2006 role here where Lee won director for Brokeback Mountain beating out hack, Paul Haggis, whose piece of garbage, Crash, took home Best Picture that year. It wouldn't shock me to see Tom Hooper take it while riding the King's Speech wave. If Fincher does win, it'll be well-deserved, he's long been one of this country's best filmmakers and arguably our most relevant as he seems to be the king of making zeitgeist movies.

Best Actor
Who Will Win: Colin Firth - The King's Speech
Who Should Win: Jesse Eisenberg - The Social Network

- Book it and if I'm wrong, I'll let you pay me $100. It doesn't bother me b/c Firth is an excellent actor who continually turns in great work. He's very good here, but I think Eisenberg's complex, hypnotic work as Mark Zuckerberg in TSN was off the charts. If I talk shit about Firth tomorrow night, it'll be a reflection of my general disdain for TKS, so I apologize ahead of time, Colin.

Best Actress
Who Will Win: Natalie Portman - Black Swan
Who Should Win: Natalie Portman - Black Swan

- Not as big a lock as Firth, but Portman has been the frontrunner all along and I see no reason for that to stop tomorrow night. She's deserving as she really bares it all in Black Swan and is by far the best thing about a film that is basically Aronofsky doing more Aronofskying. Now, it is worth noting that this is Annette Bening's 4th nomination and the long respected actress has never won. Do with that information what you will.

Best Supporting Actor
Who Will Win: Christian Bale - The Fighter
Who Should Win: Christian Bale - The Fighter

- I love this category this year. It's full of great actors being rightfully recognized for their tremendous work this year. I mean, how cool is it that you have John Hawkes, Mark Ruffalo, and Jeremy Renner all being nominated for the same category? Good job, Academy. Of course, Bale is the king as he gives an indelibly fantastic performance in The Fighter. Like Portman, he has been the frontrunner all along, so I'm predicting a win tomorrow night, but I have this gross feeling that Geoffrey Rush will come riding in at the last minute on a wave of King's Speechness to steal it from Bale's clutches. Oscar generally goes by the book, but they will toss in a curveball or two in the major categories like they do every year, so buyer beware.

Best Supporting Actress
Who Will Win: Melissa Leo - The Fighter
Who Should Win: Jacki Weaver - Animal Kingdom

- I'm going with Leo here as the respected veteran should overcome any issues with vote-splitting as Amy Adams is nominated in the same category for the same movie. I think the Academy will rally behind Leo similar to the way they did for Soderbergh in 2001 when he was nominated for Best Director for two different films. I'm slightly worried that Hailee Steinfeld could pull an upset for her work in True Grit b/c if there's one category in which Oscar likes to reward the young ingenue type, it's Best Supporting Actress. All worthy nominees here, but Weaver's chilling, haunting work in Animal Kingdom added a whole other layer to that film, she's the best of the bunch here, but unfortunately doesn't have a prayer.

Best Original Screenplay
Who Will Win: The King's Speech
Who Should Win: Inception

- It worked out nicely for Oscar as the two Best Pic frontrunners (The King's Speech and The Social Network) are nominated for screenplay awards in two different categories, so not only do they not have to face off, they each get to own their respective categories. It's ridiculous that one of the year's most original, ambitious, fascinating films (Inception) got basically pity nominations up and down the Oscars, but whatever. In 20 years, when The King's Speech will be a footnote, Inception will still be talked about for being the innovative, interesting piece of cinema that it is.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Who Will Win: The Social Network
Who Should Win: The Social Network

- Aaron Sorkin is largely credited with the success of TSN and rightfully so. This is one of the safer plays of the night.

Best Animated Feature: Toy Story 3
Best Original Score: The Social Network
Best Original Song: Toy Story 3
Best Editing: The Social Network
Best Cinematography: True Grit
Best Art Direction: Alice in Wonderland
Best Costume Design: Alice in Wonderland - Quick note about this: like I said last year, Costume Design is shooting up my power rankings as one of my favorite categories b/c it's difficult to predict and generally rewards the merits of the work and is generally not guilty of coattailing (which would especially be true if AiW wins, I mean who the hell likes that movie?). Also, this is a pretty epic showdown between Jenny Beavan (nominated here for The King's Speech) who has now been nominated 9 times (won just once) and Colleen Atwood (nominated here for Alice in Wonderland) who has also now been nominated 9 times (won twice), but is like the Albert Pujols of Costume Design as she has been nominated nearly every year of the last decade. Should be the showdown of the century!
Best Makeup: The Wolfman - If you ever bet against Rick Baker, you're an idiot (12 nominations, 6 wins).
Best Sound Mixing: Inception
Best Sound Editing: Inception
Best Visual Effects: Inception
Best Foreign Film: In a Better World
Best Documentary Feature: Exit Through the Gift Shop

- Ok so I'm predicting The Social Network to score the highest with 4 wins and The King's Speech to nab 3 wins. I'm also counting on Inception to perform like The Matrix in 2000 and get a slew of tech categories, otherwise I'm screwed. See you kids on the morrow.

I Don't Hate to Say I Told You So

So I trust you all cleaned up in Vegas by adhering to my Best Pic nomination predictions in the previous blog entry. If you didn't, well you should know better than to doubt me by now. And to think, I came this close to taking out Winter's Bone and replacing it with The Town, but decided not to because I had a feeling that if I did it, I'd fuck it all up. So the moral of the story is never, ever change your mind about anything because you will be wrong and will live out the rest of your days in painful regret. Anyway, here are a few thoughts regarding the nominations:

- A hell yeah for John Hawkes getting nominated for his work in Winter's Bone. Not only is he deserving, but it's nice to see the Academy recognize something for the quality of the work, not because it's a big name or part of a blockbuster. That little fella sure has come a long way since being set on fire by George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino at the beginning of From Dusk 'Til Dawn.

- 12 nominations for The King's Speech and 8 for The Social Network. I've said for a month or two now that I think it would be a two horse race for Best Picture and the nominations did nothing to change that perception. However, I was leaning SCN as far as the slight favorite, but now it's pretty undeniable that TKS is the frontrunner, especially since SCN is already on DVD while TKS is just now hitting its stride in its theatrical run. Also, it's probably not a big deal to make too much of the nomination count since TKS is the kind of film that racks up nominations due its technical merits and since Hollywood considers anything set pre-1990 to be a "period piece", it's more of a technicality that it has significantly more nominations than SCN than it is an indicator that it's a lock for Best Picture. SCN is the most well reviewed film of the year, so it still has a solid shot.

- Nice to see James Franco get a Best Actor nomination for his excellent work in 127 Hours, but go ahead and bet your life that it's going to be Colin Firth for The King's Speech who wins.

- Natalie Portman has definitely been the most talked about performer this year for her turn in Black Swan, but I'm still very curious to see if that mean she definitely walks away with the big prize or if there's some Annette Bening love from an older-skewing Academy voting populace. I still think it'll be Portman, but Bening wouldn't shock me either.

- Nice to see Jeremy Renner get a Best Supporting Actor nod for The Town. No one plays unhinged, borderline psychopath like Renner. Well, maybe Dennis Hopper (RIP).

- Best Supporting Actress is going to be a very tough call. My early lean is Hailee Steinfeld for True Grit with the logic being that Melissa Leo and Amy Adams will split the vote for their work in The Fighter, but if one of them takes it, bet the house on Leo. Other than that, I think all the acting categories are pretty much foregone conclusions. We'll see how and if that changes over the next month as all the Oscar marketing campaigns launch into full time dick suckin' mode.

- The Best Directing category sure is a who's who of Mr. Cool Guy directors (Aronofsky, David O. Russell, the Coen bros, David Fincher)...well except for that Tom Hooper guy. He went to Oxford, how cool can he really be?

- In the Screenplay categories, The King's Speech is nominated for Best Original Screenplay and The Social Network for Best Adapted Screenplay, so they don't actually go up against each other (clever girl, Oscar). I wonder who's going to win these categories?!

- Poor Christopher Nolan, he must have date raped the head of the Academy's daughter or something because this guy can't ever get any love. He directs some of the most well reviewed, entertaining, interesting films that are huge successes, but can't ever get even a cursory director nomination. Sure, they'll toss him a screenplay nom as if to say, "Here's a treat ol' boy", but he has no shot and we all know it. And to think, Ron Howard can film himself clipping his toenails and get a Best Director nomination, utter bullshit.

- So there you have it. I'll go ahead and say that my sincerest hope is that Lily Tomlin shows up only to rile up David O. Russell. Then Sean Penn tries to be noble and step in so they get into it, while Christian Bale stands on the sidelines going "Ohhhh good for youuuu!" For those who don't understand the Tomlin-Russell connection, see below. Enjoy.

It's Never Too Early...

I just wanted to go ahead and get this on record so that we'll have documented evidence of my prognosticating prowess. Oscar nominations won't be announced until January 25th, but why wait? I'm gonna go ahead and tell you who I think the ten Best Picture nominees will be. Consider it an early Christmas present/tantalizing teaser of what's to come as we hit the home stretch of the 2010 movie season and gear up for the Oscars. I wasn't able to do my usual live commentary last year so I plan to make up for it this year by unleashing my Oscar fury with the force of 10,000 suns. I shan't be denied! Anyway, here ya go. Oh and by the way, my cut is 10% for your office Oscar pools.

The Social Network
Inception
The King's Speech
127 Hours
Toy Story 3
Winter's Bone
The Fighter
True Grit
Black Swan
The Kids Are All Right

BAM.

Oh Dexter, I wish I knew how to quit you

So, I'm in the midst of episode 6 of the latest season of Dexter and as I roll my eyes about yet another worthless subplot involving the even more worthless supporting characters or the narrative voiceover that is the complete and utter opposite of subtle, I still found that I was really into the show itself. It got me thinking...when this show is gone, I'm really going to miss it. For all the litany of reasons I could rattle off as far as what the show does poorly, what keeps me coming back? Why, despite all of its flaws, do I love this? I decided to make a Pros and Cons list to try and sort it out. At some point, the Cons may take over, but let's go into this with a positive mindset.

Pro: Michael C. Hall. That's an easy one. I can't say he is definitely the best actor working in dramatic television (he's up there for sure), but is there anyone more valuable to the quality of their show? I'm consistently convinced from season to season that Michael C. Hall single-handedly elevates this show to another level. Without him, Dexter would struggle just to attain mediocrity.

Con: Every other supporting character. I don't know of a show on television that has a more poorly written and poorly acted ensemble than Dexter. Not a single subplot is interesting and only serves to take time away from what we want to watch anyway and that is of course, Dexter himself. Do you care about Deb's love life? Angel and LaGuerta's marriage? This is banal crap culled directly from soap operas. Making matters worse, they kill off any interesting (or least, tolerable) supporting characters they've ever had. The main guest stars notwithstanding (ice truck killer, Lila, Miguel, Trinity), people like Doakes and Lundy were at least fun and added another element to the show. So they get killed, but we're stuck with Quinn? Gee, thanks guys.

Pro: Suspenseful, engaging narrative. I will never toss many accolades Dexter's way when it comes to the art of writing, but goddamn, they know how to keep you on the edge of your seat and keep you engaged. Even in scenarios where for instance, Dexter is at a crime scene before the police arrive and he has a body in his car, you see Deb and Masuka rounding the corner as Dexter tries to stay out of sight. Obviously, if you have half a brain, it's not as if this scenario is going to end with all of Miami P.D. including Deb catching Dexter red-handed chopping up a body, BUT the way the show is written and the way they wring suspense out of these scenarios makes the tension run high and is very effective, especially for something that is a blatant red herring and offensive to the audience's intelligence. That's a minor example, but the show on the whole does a terrific job of making the main narrative each season compelling, even if we generally know how it's going to end.

Con: Voiceover. While it's difficult to picture Dexter without Michael C. Hall's monotone/sometimes sardonic voiceover narration, that doesn't mean it's a not major writing crutch and one of the more egregious examples of how the writers/show-runners behind Dexter really don't think much of its audience's intelligence. If part of the point of any sort of filmic art is to "show, don't tell" as much as possible, the voiceover in Dexter is especially offensive as its sole purpose seems to be captain fucking obvious and make ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY SURE that you know what the fuck is happening right here!!!

Pro: The music. Maybe I'm starting to reach a little here, but one of the things that occurred to me when I thought of how I really would miss Dexter once it's gone is that I really like the musical cues in the show. They're one of the few more subtle elements of the show and the directors have used them to good effect throughout the show's run. Generally, aesthetic elements are the things you first think of when looking back on a show and I think the music is Dexter's strongest aesthetic representative.

Con: No balls. Killing Rita at the end of season 4 was bold, but midway through season 5 now, I see it less as a game-changer than just an excuse to have a "shocking" ending for the sake of shock value and also to get rid of a character who had become increasingly annoying over the years (although I'm sure January Jones was psyched when it happened as she could finally take her rightful place at the throne of "most loathesome wife on television"). The fact that the death of Rita didn't really alter anything drastically from a functionality standpoint is no surprise. My biggest disappointment with Dexter as a whole is that it started out as a show that actually asked interesting questions about morality and was a fascinating character study, but has gradually morphed into a gussied-up police procedural where all kinds of intense, exciting things may happen within a season, but rest assured, the big baddie will die at the hands of Dexter, he won't get caught, and everything will work out okay. It never lived up to its potential (as I saw it anyway) and it pisses me off. It still has a great lead and from a purely visceral standpoint, it's as entertaining as anything on television, but I can't help but wonder how it would have turned out if it had a main creative force behind it (instead of a team of hack tv writers, not to mention Showtime producers) guiding it with a singular vision and if it was on HBO (or AMC).

At the end of the day, Dexter is like that hot, dumb girlfriend you can't break up with because even though she has a brain the size of a walnut, she still looks awesome in tank tops and likes to make you sandwiches, so there's something to be said for that.

And now...TV Power Rankings (and these are not permanent overall rankings, to understand the elaborate Power Ranking algorithm, just go back a few entries where I break it down) just for grins!

12) Bored to Death
11) Community
10) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
9) Dexter
8) Modern Family
7) Sons of Anarchy
6) The Office
5) Boardwalk Empire
4) 30 Rock
3) The League
2) The Walking Dead
1) Eastbound and Down

Fuck Everybody

Yeah, this about sums it up.