Television Power Rankings

Let's take a breather from the breakneck pace I've established with the yearly Reduxes...reduxe...reduxan? Ah yes, reduxan. I know, you don't have to tell me, you barely have time to refresh your browser before I've posted a new entry full of internet delights and cyberworld pleasures that not only please the eye, but also massage the depths of your soul. Take heart, dear pretend reader, for the well of inspiration never runs dry on this blog! As I've mentioned before, the era in which we currently live has produced television that has become a bastion of creativity and innovation that threatens to make film altogether obsolete. Want proof? Try watching The Wire ya weenie. That being said, I still plan to stay the course with modern day cinema and keep the faith that the quality output each year is enough to stave off the hatred and apathy that crap like Transformers and Twilight can elicit.

As a result, I've decided to periodically (and obviously, I use that word very loosely) produce "Power Rankings" for TV for shows that I keep up with, which you can be assured is very extensive. What can I say? I take my job very seriously. And just to clarify, "Power Rankings" are not overall rankings of what I think of a show. They are an elaborate composite of a show's current and in theory, predictive momentum/quality. They use them in sports all the time and jocks are as desperate/pathetic as anyone, so you know it's legit. In other words, they speak to how a show is currently doing and where they stack up in the pantheon of other programs (yeah, I said it). If they were rankings of favorite shows, that wouldn't shift very often because movement on a list like that would require years of credibility/awesomeness or vice versa to make any noise or significant difference. I'm a loyal guy, what can I say? So, as Icelanders say, let's get the fuck on with it (they probably don't say that, but they should):

14) Flash Forward - Yikes. See kids, this is what happens when you only care about story and not one shit about characters or even worse, cliche-proofing your characters. This is creeping into Heroes territory which I gave wayyyyy too much benefit of the doubt for too long and goddammit, I won't make the same mistake again! In conclusion, you're on thin ice, motherfucker!

13) Bored to Death - Sometimes, I feel like I'm watching this show on a completely different plane from its "intended audience". They bill it as a comedy, I find it sparingly funny. Zach Galifianakis is completely wasted and while I initially found it endearing, now I'm just waiting for something to make me give a shit. And to think Arrested Development was canceled due to lack of viewership on a network that had several seasons of Parker Lewis Can't Lose and Models, Inc makes me nauseous. But, I digress.

12) Community - The pedigree is right. Joel McHale appears to be a solid comedic lead. Now it's time to start being funny. Or at least, funny enough to make me look forward to watching this as opposed to just seeing it as something I need to erase in order to make more room on my DVR. I guess my problem is that the show treats its secondary characters as characters we've come to know and love over the years and therefore, their random pairings and idiosyncrasies should be just unbelievably hilarious to us, but they're not. It has this sense of entitlement that really bothers me and it's like it's just mooching off the groundwork that shows like The Office and 30 Rock have carefully laid and it pisses me off. Or maybe I should just calm down. But I don't think so.

11) 30 Rock - Speaking of 30 Rock! Now we're getting into the good stuff. Don't get me wrong, 30 Rock is ALWAYS (and I do mean ALWAYS) good for at least a few awesome one-liners per episode, but these first two episodes have not been up to snuff. They are still better than most of the crap on TV, but they have no one to blame but themselves for the high standards they have set. Hey, Tom Brady (you knew a sports reference was coming, just admit it) even had a slow start this year. Nothing to worry about, 30 Rock will come through and they will be justly rewarded on the vaunted power rankings accordingly later this season.

10) Tosh.0 - Daniel Tosh is hilarious. This show is an excuse to be even more hilarious and contains many moments of hilarity in and of itself. As a result, it has done nothing but reap hilarity upon our soil for its entirety. But at the end of the day, the ceiling is only so high for a show ostensibly sponsored by YouTube. Still love my boy D-Tosh though!

9) Parks and Recreation - Talk about stepping up your game. The only reason I stuck with this show, despite its putrid first season, was because of my undying love and commitment to The Office and its brilliant braintrust (which, if you haven't figured out, is the same for this show). My patience has been rewarded as P&R has settled into a nice groove and has proven that Chris Pratt and Aziz Ansari are comedic forces to be reckoned with.

8) Modern Family - I had no interest in this show whatsoever when I first saw the promos. It looked like another generic ABC Home Improvement-style "family comedy" and while we all desperately miss the omnipresence of Tim Allen (*gag*), it looked like it belonged in the CBS comedy suck-a-thon along with garbage like Two and a Half Men and Big Bang Theory (don't even make me remember Everybody Loves Raymond). How wrong I was. Incredibly quick witted and heartfelt without being cloying (basically, everything Community was billed as being) and Ty Burrell is already one of the funniest characters on television. Big props to this new Arrested Development-style comedy. P.S. I love Sofia Vergara.

7) Dexter - In a nod to a higher ranking because of benefit of the doubt, in comes Dexter. I've been skeptical about this show for a while because even though the first two seasons were ridiculously compelling television (as was the 3rd season, but suffered from the law of diminishing returns), it never takes any chances whatsoever and insists on feeding us the same dish over and over again. I don't give a fuck about any characters not named Dexter's love life/personal predicaments and I REALLY don't give a fuck about Deb's 20th boyfriend and the ensuing problems. However, the latest episode helped restore some of my faith as it was top quality Dexter and gives me tentative hope. It's a tenuous grasp you have and a slippery slope, don't fuck it up! Pretend like you're on HBO and take some chances, goddammit.

6) Californication - As strong a start to any of its previous seasons in my mind. Hank Moody's "witticisms" are as scathing as ever and the women are as hot as ever. Here's what I have come to want from this show: Quick-witted dialogue, a small sampling of heartfelt exchanges/reflections, and breasts, lots of breasts. So far, so good. And Kathleen Turner is fucking disgusting. Best anti-smoking ad ever.

5) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Not much explanation needed. One of the best comedies to ever grace television screens is still bringing it as strong as ever. And this wouldn't complete without at least mentioning "Nightcrawlers". There, I said it.

4) The Office - The only reason this is above It's Always Sunny... is b/c of the wedding episode. While this season has been typically awesome and up to the usual standards, the wedding episode exhibited what The Office does so well. It took a sentimental plot and somehow, someway managed to not Friends/Grey's Anatomy it out. They still made it hilarious, but altogether moving and rewarding for longtime Office fans. The writers of this show continue to amaze me in how they maintain the high level of comedy and manage the inherent sentimentality of the show in a digestible, genuinely touching way. When it's all said and done, this will be one of the greatest TV shows ever, if it's not already.

3) Curb Your Enthusiasm - It's one thing to rest on your laurels and try to coast as one of the funniest/best comedies on TV over the past decade. It's another to completely take it all to another level in your 7th freakin' season. But Larry David will always be miserable and we all reap the benefits from that reality. Every episode has been fantastic so far and we're sadly halfway through the season already. No one does misanthropic, meta-humor better than LD. And the more Leon, the better.

2) Mad Men - One of the frequent complaints buzzing around the internet is that this season has been slow to develop. Perhaps it's beginning to suffer from all the awards/acclaim/expectations, but for anyone who has actually watched Mad Men from the beginning to the present, this show is all about the slow burn. And we're starting to see everything come to a head, especially in the last 4 episodes. Personally, I just enjoy being in the presence of these characters and the brilliance of Matthew Weiner (seriously, does this guy need to do anything else to gain your faith?). Maybe things will change once this season ends, but the first 2 seasons are all the evidence I need to know that by the end, we'll all be counting down to August once again.

1) Sons of Anarchy - It's remarkable really. I started watching this show from day one last season because it had solid pre-air buzz and fuck, nothing else worth a shit aired on Wednesdays. The first couple of episodes were okay, but nothing more and then, holy shit. SofA started a wave of momentum that has yet to flag. This season only upped the ante and keeps building and building to a point where I can't stand that I have to wait a week between each episode. It recently beat Jay Leno in ratings and I couldn't be more psyched because if there's one show that deserves more attention, it's this one. Don't worry, when the rest of America finally catches on, you'll either feel cool for being on the ground floor or like a dumbass for not having been on the bandwagon earlier. You have been warned.

My explanations/reasoning were probably a tad long-winded for mere power rankings, but fuck it, you only live once.