Top Ten of 2007

Posthumous Note from the Writer: The date states that this was published in July, but in reality I wrote a lot of this back then, but just got preoccupied with other things so I haven't finished until now on January 15, 2009 (how pathetic). However, I promise that this blog will actually get updated on some sort of consistent basis from here on out. After all, the Oscars are right around the corner! Time to sharpen the skills.

In all reality, I probably could have completed this list a couple of months ago, but I lagged on a handful of movies so it prevented me from being able to continue my trend of improved turnaround time on my Top Ten each year. I blame those handful of films on my delay, but in all likelihood, the odds of any one of those influencing my top ten were remote at best, so it's probably just my way of justifying my laziness to myself. Plus, no one reads this, it's mainly for posterity, so who gives a shit?

Midway through 2007, I remember reading here and there from various film critics/commentators what a strong year we were having and I couldn't help, but have visions of Transformers and Pirates of the Caribbean Part 12: Longest Title & Most Convoluted Storyline For A Blockbuster Of All Time dancing in my head and think...are you serious? Turns out, they were right. Better to finish strong than start strong I always say. Aside from helping me produce one of the most solid Top Tens in years (from top to bottom), I was mainly struck by the sheer power of many films that 2007 had to offer. Every year, there will be plenty of really good films and maybe 2-3 that are clearly a cut above everything else, but aside from the usual representation of exceptional films, what makes 2007's crop unique is that many made their own mark, they were distinct. Anyway, on with the show...

10) Gone Baby Gone - On the surface, a whodunit crime thriller set in the oh-so-exotic locale of Boston's Dorchester (and no, I'm not being facetious) doesn't seem like the most auspicious ground for Ben Affleck to make his directorial debut, but apparently he had murkier waters for us to wade in. Of course a solid ensemble cast and an excellent script don't hurt his cause, but the real meat and potatoes of Affleck's first film resides in the moral conundrum he throws the audience into. Never shying away from the grays, Affleck performs a commendable balancing act with all sides of a complicated coin. If only Ashley Judd movies were this fascinating...Bug excluded of course.

9) Hot Fuzz - Like any other red, white, and blue-blooded American, you probably have a warped part of your brain that can't help but quiver with excitement when Point Break or any Governator classic comes on during a UPN Saturday afternoon action movie marathon. The great thing about Hot Fuzz (at least in part) is that it realizes there's a larger demographic that would enjoy this form of tribute/parody than most people would care to think about. Simon Pegg and co. simultaneously weave action movie parody with shockingly effective dramatic and action sequences delivering on the potential and promise displayed by their previous effort, Shaun of the Dead. Finally, an affectionate tribute to the ridiculous, kickass action films of the 80s and early 90s that pokes fun without condescending to its material or audience. A much more difficult feat than it sounds.

8) Superbad - According to writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, they wanted to write a teen comedy that actually reflected the way real teens actually talk and act. I'm not sure if they're dead-on accurate, but they're a lot closer to the mark than a dirty old man like Larry Clark (who likes to envision all teens as fulfilling all of his demented fuck dreams, but I digress...) or any other generic high school movie generated by the American Pie-influenced teen comedy factory. In the end, we ended up with the funniest movie of the year, by far. Even for those who weren't crazy about it, Jonah Hill's silver-tongued perversion is a sight to behold. Talk about a teenager who has mastered the art of witty dick jokes.

7) Once - I'll admit that sitting down to watch a film described as a modern day musical shot guerilla-style on the streets of Dublin with amateur actors didn't make me exactly wet my pants in anticipation, but it's yet another testament to the beauty of movies. You buy the ticket, take the ride, and once in a great while, you will be surprised and hopefully blown away. Enter a little film called Once. Now I ask this: what are the necessary elements for a musical/romance to be effective? Likeable leads worth giving a shit about...check. Palpable chemistry between aforementioned leads...check. Fantastic music...check. Of course, other things go into making a film a cut above the rest, but without having these three factors in spades, the whole operation comes crashing down. If you're not moved by this film, you don't have a soul. No pressure though.

6) Juno - People can bitch all they want that the dialogue was "unrealistic" and not the way those damn kids speak these days, but who freaking cares? If you don't appreciate the actual character of Juno and all of her idiosyncrasies, then this movie isn't for you. Furthermore, if you don't appreciate the performance of Ellen Page, then I suggest you thoroughly pull your head out of your ass b/c this is the kind of charismatic stuff that drives excellent filmmaking. Oh and it doesn't hurt that the film itself is moving, witty, and absolutely hilarious.

5) The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford -A thoroughly engrossing exploration of hero-worship wrapped inside a rousing yet contemplative veneer of Western mythologizing. If only other genres of filmmaking would realize that fascinating character studies can be done within well-established stereotypes and conventions. From the mercurial nature of Brad Pitt's Jesse James to the alternately creepy, pathetic, and sympathetic Robert Ford (flawlessly executed by Casey Affleck), Andrew Dominik's film never ceases to by turns fascinate and provoke. Coming soon to a theater near you: an examination of Sylvester Stallone's Oedipus complex in Cobra.

4) Zodiac - For my money, David Fincher is one of our most reliable working American filmmakers. A quick look back, in order: Seven, The Game, Fight Club, Panic Room and now Zodiac. Everything about this film is note-perfect as it is arguably Fincher's most mature, sure-handed film to date. The set and costume design are especially impressive, but mostly, it's the methodical nature with which Fincher's film investigates everything surrounding the Zodiac murders including the cases themselves. Compound that with the characters' collective obsession with solving these murders and it's easy to see why Fincher is such a rare talent. His ability to mix heady material with his ridiculous talent for aesthetic is lethal.

3) The Lives of Others - So let me get this straight: It's 1984. East Berlin. The secret police puts anyone who sneezes near them under heavy surveillance. Perhaps, there are echoes of certain governmental policies we may have heard of here in America? I don't know, that sounds like a bit much. Anyway, what a slow, wonderful burn this one is. One day, Hollywood will understand that the best thrillers MUST have characters worth caring about and the story needs to evolve slowly, but surely in order to ya know, actually build suspense. Needless to say, The Lives of Others has all of these things in spades. Be sure to pour a little out for my main man, Ulrich Muhe, who gives a stellar performance by the way.

1a) No Country For Old Men - The Coen brothers may be the most dynamic filmmaking duo ever. I don't know how many filmmaking duos have actually come through the pipeline, but the point is these guys can do pretty much anything and do it extremely well. NCFOM shook me to the core. Not only was it a fantastic genre piece featuring an iconic turn from Javier Bardem and understated (and underrated, really) work from both Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin, but it was also a depressing thesis on evil, humanity, and the complete and utter chaos of this little world we live in. In other words, this film was speaking my language. If you think it ended abruptly, then accept that you don't get it and that this movie isn't for you. I'm tired of moviegoers assuming the filmmaker screwed up when they clearly don't understand something. Go watch a Brett Ratner movie and leave the thinkin' stuff to the grownups. Thanks.

1b) There Will Be Blood - In reality, this was a tie for number one. I've never had a top two come this close to each other in terms of quality, so it's ironic that TWBB serves as a great companion piece to NCFOM. NCFOM explores the idea of evil as an abstract concept that will never dissipate while TWBB explores the inherent darkness that resides in humanity. Similar to how HBO's Deadwood explored the origins of civilization in the good ol' U.S. of A., Paul Thomas Anderson's TWBB treads the same ground by examining a solid foundation upon which the American Dream rests. Nothin' but the essentials: greed, murder, hubris, insanity. Yep, 2007 was a feel-good type of year and I couldn't be happier about it.

Runners-Up: Atonement, Away From Her, Into the Wild, The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, The Kite Runner, Lust Caution, The Namesake, Rocket Science, Starting Out in the Evening, Sunshine
Writer's Note: The fact that terrific films like The Namesake, Rocket Science, Into the Wild (err...pretty much all of the aforementioned "Runners-Up") are not in my top ten speaks to how strong a year it was and especially how strong my top ten is.

Individual Awards:
Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood: Was there ever really any doubt? Day-Lewis is a freakin' dynamo. Raise your hand if you couldn't stop quoting Daniel Plainview for weeks after you saw this. TWBB is entirely dependent on Day-Lewis carrying the picture for every frame and not only does he do that, he manages to be one of the biggest reasons that TWBB should already be regarded as an American classic.
Runners-Up: Ulrich Muhe - The Lives of Others, Frank Langella - Starting Out in the Evening, Ryan Gosling - Lars and the Real Girl, Gordon Pinsent - Away From Her, Casey Affleck - Gone Baby Gone

Best Actress: Ellen Page - Juno: I'll just go ahead and say it to get it out of the way, I freakin' love Ellen Page. Her performance reminds me of why I love film so much. She does something that can't be overlooked and that is she makes Diablo Cody's dialogue feel natural and unforced. She's hilarious and vulnerable and genuine...she's the kind of girl you had a crush on in high school. Similar to how TWBB was dependent upon Day-Lewis' performance, so it goes for Juno and Ellen Page. She succeeded.
Runners-Up: Julie Christie - Away From Her, Tabu - The Namesake, Keri Russell - Waitress, Tang Wei - Lust, Caution, Ashley Judd - Bug

Best Supporting Actor: Casey Affleck - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford: I realize the trendy choice was Javier Bardem and I'm fine with that, but for my money, Affleck had the much more layered, complex performance. His Robert Ford is by turns maddening, repulsive, pathetic, but always sympathetic. How he manages to maintain a connection with the audience while not being especially likable is quite a feat. Talk about exploding onto the scene this year, Affleck's work in both this film and Gone Baby Gone should have both Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ryan Gosling looking over their shoulders as they may have some competition for most interesting/promising young actor.
Runners-Up: Javier Bardem - No Country For Old Men, Ed Harris - Gone Baby Gone, Hal Holbrook - Into the Wild, Philip Seymour Hoffman - Charlie Wilson's War

Best Supporting Actress: Romola Garai - Atonement: Given the structure of Atonement and how the character of Briony is portrayed by three different actresses, it is that much more difficult to make a mark. Yet Garai definitely makes the most of her screen time as the 18 year old version of Briony. During the most heart-wrenching scene of the film, Garai displays a remarkable range of emotion as someone who is torn apart by true regret and wears the emotional toll it has taken like a badge of shame.
Runners-Up: Leslie Mann - Knocked Up, Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone, Jennifer Garner - Juno, Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton, Lili Taylor - Starting Out in the Evening, Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There

Other Miscellaneous Awards (or lack thereof):
Worst Film of the Year: This is always one of my favorite categories to consider because when you've suffered through a genuine piece of horseshit, it's nice to be rewarded for your sacrifice by being able to rail against the aforementioned horseshit. Ahhhh, so many worthy contenders:

- We had Michael Bay's latest crime against humanity in Transformers (but that did give us Megan Fox).

- We had the latest comic book atrocity in Ghost Rider challenging the Fantastic Four franchise (of which we got the long anticipated sequel, just as awesome as the first one) to a duel of suck.

- We had yet another chapter in Adam Sandler's determination to become completely and utterly obsolete in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, but hey, at least I learned not to be homophobic. Adam Sandler is more like a modern day Jesus as he not only entertains us, but he also teaches us life lessons. I'm so grateful.

- Pirates of the Caribbean finally completed their joke of a trilogy in smashing style by creating a film that made absolutely no fucking sense, but at least it was only 8 hours long. If we all cross our fingers and say our prayers before bed every night, maybe, just maybe, Disney will be so kind as to reward our due diligence with another holy trilogy. This time, they should find a way to include Paul Wall and Freddie Prinze Jr as featured characters along with a soundtrack by Nickelback.

- As much fun as all of the above were to sit through, only one can be king. I remember once I finished this particular film, I literally said out loud (I was by myself too): "This is the worst film of the year". I knew that no matter what else I saw, I had that no doubt about it slam dunk. I'm speaking of none other than Richard Kelly's Southland Tales. Now, I know a cast featuring the likes of Sarah Michelle Gellar, The Rock, and Justin Timberlake puts any film on a collision course with greatness, but shockingly, this was one big incoherent mess. It was unbelievably long, had no continuity whatsoever, abysmal acting (what a shock), and was ultimately a gargantuan waste of money, time, celluloid, and brain cells. I'm not worried though. Richard Kelly is a young guy. He had a very good debute in Donnie Darko and wanted to aim for the stars with his follow-up, I can respect that. Better to swing for the fences and strike out than to not even bother. He'll be fine, but in the meantime, he can rest easy at night knowing he pissed off a lot of people and has a room full of Razzies waiting for him.

Most Underrated/Underappreciated Film of the Year:
I think Zodiac has a good case for this, but it was already my number 4 movie of the year, so we gotta go with something different. How about Eagle vs. Shark? This brilliant little New Zealand rom-com featured the now famous Jemaine Clement (of Flight of the Conchords fame) and Loren Horsley (who also wrote the film) as awkward lovers. From Jemanie's gloriously flowing mullet to Loren's impeccable people skills, there is plenty of comedy in the mix here, but the surprising element was how sweet and palpable the romance is. Think Napoleon Dynamite crossed with When Harry Met Sally.

Best Fight Scene in a Long While:
The Bourne Ultimatum - Bourne's fight scene with a rival agent is one of those "I didn't realize I wasn't breathing the entire time" kinda scenes. It's that badass.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x45pp8_bourne-ultimatum-fight-scene_shortfilms

Most Mind-Numbingly Boring Dialogue Scenes:
Death Proof - We get it, Quentin. You love dialogue. But here's the thing, you have to have your characters actually talk about something worthwhile, meaningful, or at least entertaining. Why, you ask? Well because your movie-going audience has conversations every day. Most of them are stultifyingly boring and we don't wish to relive them, especially at 10 bucks a pop. Stick to witty anecdotes and slick exchanges dissecting pop culture phenomena and we'll all get along just fine.

Best Line of the Year:
Shoot 'Em Up - "Eat your vegetables."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_iBM85h2PI

You're welcome.

Person I'm Most Likely to Punch in the Neck Should We Ever Cross Paths:
Billy Mitchell of The King of Kong fame. If you've seen the film, you've never agreed with me more in your life. I won't mind taking one of those sweet American flag ties from him either.

Best "Not Good" Film of the Year:
Across the Universe - This is not a good movie. Sure, it looks great, but it's poorly acted, directed, and seems to have been written with the aid of "How to Write a Screenplay Overflowing with Cliches for Dummies". All that being said, I love this movie. I also love the Beatles. Perhaps that explains it. It's also one of those movies I would want no one to witness me actually watch it because they would be treated to a sing-a-long the likes of which have not been seen since teenage girls at a baller-ass NKOTB show circa 1990. Behold, the power of the Beatles, ladies and gentlemen.

The "Really Makes Me Want to Take a Shower" Award:
Bug - Watch it with someone you love.

The "Geez, Grab a Freaking Poli-Sci Textbook" Award:
Lions for Lambs - I agree with your politics, Robert Redford, but how about when you make a film, you actually make it interesting and not some polemic that summarizes how you feel about the war and the current administration? It's no big secret that Spike Lee enjoys packing his films with issues that he feels passionate about, but even he will tell you that his number one goal is to tell a good story. I believe in you, you've done it before.

Oscars 2008

I can't believe that Christmas...er...the Oscars are already upon us! Many wonder why I make such a big deal out of the Academy Awards since as we all know, it's just a big dog and pony show full of politicking, schlob-nobbin', and of course, upsets and unexplainable choices no doubt fueled by labyrinthine governmental conspiracies. If all this is true, how Jeff, HOW, can you still get so excited over such an affair?! Well, it's pretty simple. As a full-blown, unapologetic cinephile, the Academy Awards is THE night for movies. Whether or not I agree with the standards or the choices is moot because for better or worse, this is the night that the whole world stops and pays attention to Hollywood's big night. It's not going to alter my perception or make me reconsider my favorite films/performances of the year, but everyone in every medium enjoys having that one culminating moment for their vice of choice. In sports, you have championships (and I guess to a lesser extent, individual player awards). In sports, I wish every Houston team (except in college football, WAR EAGLE) made it to every championship and that every Houston player won every accolade possible, but they don't and that's okay. Does that mean I don't love baseball or football? Of course not. The same logic applies for the Oscars. I enjoy reveling in all the overblown hype and self-flagellating that goes on. Some people complain that the telecast usually runs the length of The Seven Samurai, but I don't mind at all. It just gives me more time to make pithy comments and delude myself into thinking I know a thing or two. And if I can make another rum and coke while I'm at it, then who am I to complain? All that being said, it's time to post my predictions and see how I do. Last year, I underestimated the Oscar love for The Departed and overestimated the love for Babel and as a result, I only finished 12 for 21. The year before, if I had known that Memoirs of a Geisha was technically adored, I would have really cleaned up, but even then, I finished with a solid 15 for 21. That goes without mentioning the best picture abomination that was Crash that year, but let's not talk about that. This is a time for happy thoughts. On with the predictions (I don't predict the shorts...do we really need those? Oh yes we do, smoke breaks! I almost forgot.):

Best Picture: No Country for Old Men - I'd say it's almost a sure bet. No complaints here. In fact, I'm kind of excited because for once, I genuinely like all of the films nominated for Best Pic. You're all winners in your own right! But not really, NCFOM is going to be the big winner tonight.

Best Director: Joel and Ethan Coen (No Country for Old Men) - I guess Paul Thomas Anderson has a small outside shot at this, but I see no reason for the Academy to award him best director over the dynamic duo of Joel and Ethan Coen. Shockingly, the Coen Brothers have only one Oscar to their credit (screenplay for Fargo) and these long respected Hollywood mavericks will get their due. Scary to think that guys like Ron Howard and Paul Haggis have cleaned up at the Oscars while the Coen Brothers continue to churn out excellent film after excellent film while being overlooked. Tonight will be their night and rightfully so.

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood) - The biggest guaranteed, undeniable lock of the evening. If I'm wrong on this, you can all give me $50, deal? He deserves it. It's easily the most charismatic, complex, disturbing, dominating, whatever other adjective you wanna throw in here, performance of the year. He's going to drink everyone's milkshake. He IS the third revelation!!

Best Actress: Julie Christie (Away From Her) - Aside from possessing looks that we all hope our wives will have when they're in their late 60s, she's also damn good in this film and is my tentative prediction to win. She has won all the pre-cursors, so I expect a victory. Marion Cotillard (La Vie En Rose) has a slight outside shot, but put your money on Christie.

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men) - I've felt this was a lock pretty much the whole time until I started hearing murmurs of some sympathy support growing for Hal Holbrook (Into the Wild). Do NOT underestimate the Academy's knack for throwing some curveballs throughout their history. It wouldn't shock me at all to see Holbrook garner a majority vote from the older-skewing Academy, but I don't expect it. I'm still going with ol' Anton Chigurh and his luscious locks. Even though in a perfect world, Casey Affleck would win for layered, emotionally rich performance in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, but that's neither here nor there.

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone) - I don't feel good about this at all. In fact, I could see any of the nominees winning with the exception of Saoirse Ronan (Atonement). This is the biggest wild card category, not only this year, but historically. Will they wish to recognize a well-respected veteran actress as a pseudo-lifetime achievement award (Ruby Dee for American Gangster) or will they go with a young up and comer as a sort of initiation as this award been known to be in recent years (Amy Ryan)? Or they could just go with Cate Blanchett. I'll go with Ryan, but very tentatively.

Best Original Screenplay: Juno
Best Adapted Screenplay: No Country for Old Men
Best Animated Feature: Ratatouille
Best Original Score: Ratatouille
Best Original Song: Once - "Falling Slowly"
Best Editing: The Bourne Ultimatum
Best Cinematography: There Will Be Blood
Best Art Direction: There Will Be Blood
Best Costume Design: Sweeney Todd
Best Makeup: La Vie en Rose
Best Sound Mixing: Transformers
Best Sound Editing: There Will Be Blood
Best Visual Effects: Transformers
Best Foreign Film: The Counterfeiters
Best Documentary Feature: No End in Sight

So we're looking at 4 wins for NCFOM and 4 wins (more of technical nature) for TWBB. Needless to say, NCFOM looks to come away the big winner of the evening. I'm a little apprehensive that I overestimated the technical admiration for TWBB and Transformers, but this is what it's all about. I have this strange feeling that Sweeney Todd may take away some of the technical awards and that I'm underestimating it, but we'll see. See you for the telecast!

P.S. Jon Stewart, if you steal any of my material again, there will be blood (*rimshot*). I got my eyes on you, sucka.

7:32pm CST:

• I thought Jon Stewart did a pretty good job last time, so I'm hoping for good stuff tonight again too. Assuming he doesn't feel the need to plagiarize my work.
• "Let's take a moment to congratulate ourselves." Has there ever been a more succinct way to describe the Oscars? Good stuff.
• I find Ellen Page kinda hot, is that wrong? I mean, she is 20, I think. She just looks 10, so you can't help but feel bad about it.
• Ok Julie Christie vs. Helen Mirren in a battle royale for senior citizen hotness, who wins? Answer: we all do! God, I love plastic surgery.
• Wow, a lawyer joke. How original.
• Why does the whole world think Jack Nicholson is so cool? I mean, really? What in his body of work is so alarmingly groundbreaking that everyone just loves ol' Jack?
• God I hope Diablo Cody wins b/c she looks like she could be a wild card. Since Philip Seymour Hoffman isn't going to win anything, we need someone to possibly freak out on stage, do something subversive, or at least throw out a cuss word. Something, ANYTHING!
• Good monologue. Gaydolf Titler was the best joke.
• See what I mean? Every year, in some bullshit category, someone unexpectedly wins. I'm 0 for 1 on costume design as Elizabeth: The Golden Age wins. Anyone see that one coming? Didn't think so. At least, my premonition about Sweeney Todd looks to be wrong, so it's not a total loss. Off to a roaring start!

7:50pm CST:

• What a shock. A masturbatory, self-congratulatory montage of its own on its own telecast. And who says the Academy is losing its edge?!
• Steve Carrell is awesome. He needs to be in everything. Ugh, I had to watch Surf's Up on a flight recently, this penguin crap has gone way too far. There we go, back on track. I'm 1 for 2 as Ratatouille wins Best Animated Feature. Brad Bird is a genius. What are his roots in? That's right, The Simpsons. More evidence of its endless contributions to society.
• A sick side of me wants to see Norbit win for Best Makeup. It'd just be hilarious to me that the film that cleaned up at the Razzies is also an Oscar winner. No shot though as La Vie en Rose takes it. 2 for 3 now. This win keeps Cotillard's hopes alive as it proves members of the Academy actually watched it. Or maybe they just couldn't bring themselves to vote for Norbit or another one of those damn Pirates movies.
• Ha ha, they are so quick on that trigger to hurry the speeches up for the unimportant people. Yeah you won for makeup, no one cares about you. You get about 5 seconds, then you're toast!
• I'm a fan of Amy Adams, but if a song like this actually wins Best Song, I'm going to hunt down every member of the Academy and kick them in the balls.

8:19pm CST:

• The actual quality of the film aside, Transformers did have amazing effects and looked spectacular. Okay okay, it's gonna be like that, huh Oscar? 2 for 4 now as The Golden Compass wins for Best Visual Effects. I had no idea anyone saw that movie, good for them. So this really sets everything up as truly unpredictable. No tone is being set yet. This is how the Academy is. You can look at nominees and have the most logical, obvious choice staring you in the face and out of nowhere, they will award the film that NO ONE expected.
• Alright, now time for Art Direction. Does anyone know what this is or how it works? I didn't think so. I completely guessed here. Fuck! I knew I shouldn't have bet against Dante Ferretti, he only gets nominated like every freakin' year. 2 for 5 now. This night is turning out swimmingly.
• Oh! "A refresher course for the history of Best Supporting Actor". Translation: Another excuse to brag about ourselves and give you another montage. I love Cuba's speech, but the best part was that one white guy in the crowd who stood before everyone else and was pumping his fist like, "HELL YEAH!!" What was that guy thinking?
  
• If Javier Bardem doesn't win, I'm quitting. Right now. Casey Affleck deserves it, but he won't win. He is someone to watch, he keeps turning in interesting role after interesting role. Ok Bardem does win, I can continue moving forward in life. 3 for 6 now. Good for him, what a terrific actor.
  

8:51pm CST:

• Alright, another song performance and a short film award. This is a good time to take a nice bath or take in a good book or go for a drive.
• I like how they don't want anyone giving a speech for longer than 12 seconds, but let's make sure we have 30 pointless montages b/c that's really important.
• Okay, here's my big wild card category. It's going to be Ruby Dee, watch. C'mon Amy Ryan, don't make me look stupid. They didn't even nominate the right supporting actress from Atonement, it should have been Romola Garai. Geez, Tilda Swinton, eat a cheeseburger. Ya know what's funny about this. Right as I was writing my predictions, the thought crossed my mind that everyone is focusing on the battle between Ruby Dee, Amy Ryan, and Cate Blanchett, and then it dawned on me that Tilda Swinton has never won an Oscar, despite her sterling reputation. She's a critical darling and complete chameleon of an actress, it would make sense that she could sneak in and win it. Lo and behold, she does. So at least everyone was wrong. I am now a kickass 3 for 7. This will definitely be my best year.
• I don't think I'd like to fight Josh Brolin. Okay, here comes the first win for NCFOM. Of course, don't ever doubt me when I say it's a lock. 4 for 8 now. Good for them. Brilliant filmmakers, they deserve every accolade coming their way. I love how they're so awkward and out of place in the spotlight. These dudes aren't cut out for this crap. They're movie nerds. They just want to make movies they are passionate about, they couldn't care less about the accolades, god bless 'em.
  

9:17pm CST:

• Yes! There is no way to go wrong with Jonah Hill or Seth Rogen, let alone with their forces combined. Best Sound Editing, I have a feeling I got this one wrong. I'm not sensing the love for TWBB. I think its supporters may just be the most vocal, but not the most in number. Of course, I went the experts instead of my gut feeling. The Bourne Ultimatum wins. Now 4 for 9, baby baby! What is the lesson, kids? I have no idea, it's all a crapshoot. This is going downhill fast.
• Here's another category I'm going to get wrong because I was under the impression that people admired the more technical aspects of both TWBB and Transformers. It never fails. Every year, there's one Hollywood blockbuster that cleans up the technical awards. Apparently, The Bourne Ultimatum is that film this year. I'm a stealthy 4 for 10 now. I don't deserve to live.
• God, Halle Berry's speech when she won Best Actress was just brutal, what an idiot. Get a grip. Okay, here we go, this is a big one. Since I've pretty much screwed the pooch here, I want to at least salvage the evening by getting most of the major awards right. C'mon Julie Christie! I will say that Marion Cotillard is the opposite of gross. She's quite awesome. I actually think Ellen Page deserves to win. She's so adept with those lines and incredibly moving, it's definitely my favorite performance of the 5. Well there ya go, apparently enough people saw this. I guess being wrong builds character. 4 for 11 now. I'm gonna go dunk my head in the toilet.
  

9:41pm CST:

• I adored Once. Excellent film and great songs, this song better win dammit. They performed at the Independent Spirit Awards yesterday (different song) and were amazing. Them winning would help spruce up the evening.
• Oh lord, more of the Jack Nicholson love fest. Take your scenery chewing, your ego, and yours Lakers season tickets elsewhere. I guess I'm in a bad mood now.
• No way! Another montage of their own past shows! Who could have predicted that?! Okay, that was totally necessary. A reminder of how many times they've gotten it completely wrong.
• Wouldn't it be ironic for me to get Best Editing wrong after The Bourne Ultimatum has won a slew of other technical awards? I'm sure it'll happen, it's my luck. Thank you, I forgot what it was like to get one right. I had a feeling it was a sure thing since it cleaned up at the Eddies. 5 for 12 now.
• While the old dude talks for an hour, I wanna take this time to reflect a little bit. While it really annoys me that I can't predict every single award, it is part of what's fun about the Academy Awards. It wouldn't be nearly as entertaining if everything was so easily called, that's what makes it so difficult to get all of the categories right. Sometimes we have good surprises, like when Adrien Brody won for Best Actor and sometimes we have bad surprises, like when Crash won for Best Picture. Either way, the element of surprise can't be undervalued as I think it's what makes the whole process exciting. We've seen too many examples of "sure things" only to be sideswiped by a peculiar groundswell of support for one particular film or person. I find it fascinating, even if it can work against me, as it usually does. Alright, let's rally, I stand a chance to get everything else right. Allegedly.

9:56pm CST:

• Best Foreign Film is a good category b/c they have different rules, so everyone who votes has to have seen all 5. The bad thing is they have these weird, bizarre rules for submission. Oh and none were available stateside in 2007. Yeah, makes sense. I picked The Counterfeiters b/c frankly it's the only one I had heard of. Oh, look at that, I got one right that I wasn't sure about. 6 for 13 now.
• Okay, Best Song, this better be "Falling Slowly". This will be one of my few sentimental victories of the night if it wins. Baby Baby! Hell yeah! 7 for 14. Excellent film, excellent song. One of the few happy moments so far.

10:06pm CST:

• Best Cinematography will be interesting considering there seems to be no love for TWBB. What I'm counting on is Roger Deakins will split his own vote between NCFOM and The Assassination For Jesse James... and the highly respected Robert Elswit will come through. Oh look at that, I'm recovering slowly. 8 for 15.
  
• Alright, the dead people montage. Good way to pep up the evening.
  
• Still breaks my heart that Heath Ledger is gone. I had high hopes for that one. At least the Joker looks pretty ridiculous, so it doesn't seem to be the worst swan song in the world.

10:08pm CST:

• Best Score was a total crapshoot for me, so I went with the expert consensus. I had a feeling about Atonement. It was my personal favorite of the scores amongst the nominees, but once again, the experts know nothing. I am now 8 for 16.
  
• Best Documentary is an interesting category. I feel that it comes down to No End in Sight vs. Sicko. I predicted No End b/c of its critical acclaim and b/c Michael Moore is such a divisive figure, even if it is an excellent film (he doesn't make documentaries, he makes films, let's not get confused). My only concern is that people are tired of the Iraq documentaries. While important, there have been so many that they may have a dulling effect. Okay, wow. Yet another surprise. I guess I'm just an idiot. 8 for 17 now. I gotta reel off 4 in a row to equal my egregious total from last year.

10:37pm CST:

• For some strange reason, I have a feeling that Michael Clayton could pull an upset. Apparently not, woohoo. Juno was one of the best films of the year and deserved it. Diablo Cody, however, did disappoint me by not being more volatile. She's just like everyone else! Booooooo. 9 for 18 now.
• I'll just say it. Helen Mirren is freakin' hot. Okay, time for the lock of the night. What a shock. Most deserving award of the night. Day-Lewis is a dynamo. Utterly incredible. 10 for 19 now.

10:40pm CST:

• It is bizarre that these are the first 2 Oscars ever for a Paul Thomas Anderson film. What a crock of shit. One of our best modern day directors and he keeps getting passed over for flavor of the month crap. Yeah, it pisses me off.
• Joel and Ethan Coen winning Best Director was pretty easy and I have no issues with it. 11 for 20 now. Despite my crappy performance, I'm in position to equal my dismal total from last year. Given how the evening has gone, that's not too terrible.
• Time for NCFOM to get its big prize. There we go, 12 for 21. Not a bad recovery, but the sad part is I don't know this experience helps me improve upon next year b/c it's still a crapshoot in so many ways. I can't complain. It's a fantastic film and definitely one of the best of the year.
• 3 hours and 17 minutes, pretty breezy telecast. I am pathetic so I wish it was longer, but there ya go. Pretty mundane overall, nothing crazy happened. I'm sorry, but when a major category goes to a complete underdog like Adrien Brody, it just makes it more fun. I don't have a big problem with any of the major choices, but it's just more fun when there are major surprises, assuming they aren't dumb choices. Jon Stewart did a solid job again and there was plenty of bloated, unnecessary crap, but that's part of what I love. I'm not ashamed to say it.